What follows is an internal dialogue with some aspect of myself that goes by different names. Some call it an inner voice, others a spirit guide, still others, God. I don't have a name for it...maybe 'the unconscious'? I experienced this dialogue during one of several intense encounters with salvia divinorum, a psychoactive sage plant classified as an entheogen (a generic term for psychedelic substances). Entheogen is of Greek etymology and roughly translates as "becoming divine within."
In the following conversation, the inner voice is "Answer." The regular me is "Question". The dialogue began with "Answer" because “it” started talking first. Perhaps this shows how playful and trickster-like entheogenic entities can be. My eyes were closed the entire time, but my mind's eye saw snakes, paisely-like patterns, and twisting DNA ladders. The voice came from all of it. Anyway, enough set-up.
Answer: Incremental. This life, one increment.
Question: Leading where?
A: Quit asking that.
Q: Then why use "increment"? Increment of what?
A: You need a word. OK, no increment. Can you deal with that?
Q: So no increment. Just "is"? Being?
A: No!
Q: Silence then?
A: No-ise!
Q: Why noise?
A: Because you asked for silence.
Q: So you're a trickster?
A: No, you're the trickster.
Q: Who am I tricking?
A: ------------------------
Q: Oh! Myself. So Shakyamuni Buddha was on the right marga [trail]? He had the right idea?
A: Marga. Ha! There you go with words again, wanting explanations.
Q: I'm still the human question mark.
A: Aye!
Q: So why be in a body? Why am I in a body?
A: Because you can't stop asking questions.
Q: I still desire duality? Pleasure and pain, right and wrong?
A: Your questions are trying to trick me, but I'm beyond that. It's not either/or, in a body/out of a body. See?
Q: Nirvana's right here?
A: If you ask, you'll never know.
Q: I want to get that quiet.
A: Idiot! What do you tell your meditation students?
Q: I know. Quit trying to get quiet and you'll get quiet.
A: So take that into love.
Q: By not trying to love?
A: Finally, a little light!
Q: So how do I do that, not trying to love?
A: Present, present, present.
Q: Will the ones I'm not trying to love understand this?
A: If you're present, they'll feel it.
Q: So just be present, that's it?
A: All the time -- ha ha!
Q: But people will think I'm nuts.
A: Your perception. Also what others think is none of your business.
Q: My regular meditation practice--I get out of the habit.
A: And thus no presence, or less. No insight to radiate to students.
Q: I get it. What about travel? I have an urge to sojourn.
A: Fine, if you do it with presence.
Q: Other ways to develop presence?
A: One thing at a time. C'mon, you already know this stuff.
Q: What about when my discipline wanes, my pace slacks off?
A: Discipline, pace. These words imply attachment to linear. PRESENCE!
Q: So all this pressure I and others put on myself, thinking time is too precious to waste, not meeting enough goals, wondering if I'm doing the right hero's journey, living with meaning and purpose? I'm supposed to drop all that and just be present?
A: Purpose, goals, these are cultural phenomena, not very sophisticated. All children's games. There are millions of cultures in this cosmos, other ideas in other places you know nothing about. For now, you and others on this little blue ball need to learn purposeless.
Q: I feel like you just gave me some hokey New Age line.
A: You needed a hokey line.
Q: But the universe is so enormous. If purposelessness is the answer, why is the universe so fucking huge, setting up all kinds of scenarios that imply purpose?
A: To make the point.
Q: What point?
A: The more ridiculously bigger the universe, the more ridiculous the ill-conceived notion of some purpose.
Q: Uh-huh…
A: You wrote that yourself once. Remember? Guess you don't--not present enough.
Q: Should I continue all this study in my areas of interest?
A: If you like--its' how you play now.
Q: Can I make my writing come more easily?
A: Do your PRESENCE exercises!
Q: And this entheogen?
A: Pretty good, huh? And the next day, too. But then a drop-off after that.
Q: So I don't need it?
A: Not really. Not your marga. Blaze your own trail, Crawdaddy.
Q: So if I stick with presence, no fear?
A: Yes, fear sometimes, but great strides with fear. And remember, Silly, presence is transcendent of fear.
Q: Wait a minute--you just said to be purposeless, but "great strides" implies striving and purpose.
A: -------------------------------
Q: I see. If I'm in fear, overcoming fear will feel like progress, courage, all that. The opposites again. Thank you.
A: Thank me? THANK YOURSELF! Tat Tvam Asi, hee hee!
Q: What else?
A: Change your persona. It's time.
Q: Who are you?
A: Nothing but your need for answers in words --------------------------
In the following conversation, the inner voice is "Answer." The regular me is "Question". The dialogue began with "Answer" because “it” started talking first. Perhaps this shows how playful and trickster-like entheogenic entities can be. My eyes were closed the entire time, but my mind's eye saw snakes, paisely-like patterns, and twisting DNA ladders. The voice came from all of it. Anyway, enough set-up.
Answer: Incremental. This life, one increment.
Question: Leading where?
A: Quit asking that.
Q: Then why use "increment"? Increment of what?
A: You need a word. OK, no increment. Can you deal with that?
Q: So no increment. Just "is"? Being?
A: No!
Q: Silence then?
A: No-ise!
Q: Why noise?
A: Because you asked for silence.
Q: So you're a trickster?
A: No, you're the trickster.
Q: Who am I tricking?
A: ------------------------
Q: Oh! Myself. So Shakyamuni Buddha was on the right marga [trail]? He had the right idea?
A: Marga. Ha! There you go with words again, wanting explanations.
Q: I'm still the human question mark.
A: Aye!
Q: So why be in a body? Why am I in a body?
A: Because you can't stop asking questions.
Q: I still desire duality? Pleasure and pain, right and wrong?
A: Your questions are trying to trick me, but I'm beyond that. It's not either/or, in a body/out of a body. See?
Q: Nirvana's right here?
A: If you ask, you'll never know.
Q: I want to get that quiet.
A: Idiot! What do you tell your meditation students?
Q: I know. Quit trying to get quiet and you'll get quiet.
A: So take that into love.
Q: By not trying to love?
A: Finally, a little light!
Q: So how do I do that, not trying to love?
A: Present, present, present.
Q: Will the ones I'm not trying to love understand this?
A: If you're present, they'll feel it.
Q: So just be present, that's it?
A: All the time -- ha ha!
Q: But people will think I'm nuts.
A: Your perception. Also what others think is none of your business.
Q: My regular meditation practice--I get out of the habit.
A: And thus no presence, or less. No insight to radiate to students.
Q: I get it. What about travel? I have an urge to sojourn.
A: Fine, if you do it with presence.
Q: Other ways to develop presence?
A: One thing at a time. C'mon, you already know this stuff.
Q: What about when my discipline wanes, my pace slacks off?
A: Discipline, pace. These words imply attachment to linear. PRESENCE!
Q: So all this pressure I and others put on myself, thinking time is too precious to waste, not meeting enough goals, wondering if I'm doing the right hero's journey, living with meaning and purpose? I'm supposed to drop all that and just be present?
A: Purpose, goals, these are cultural phenomena, not very sophisticated. All children's games. There are millions of cultures in this cosmos, other ideas in other places you know nothing about. For now, you and others on this little blue ball need to learn purposeless.
Q: I feel like you just gave me some hokey New Age line.
A: You needed a hokey line.
Q: But the universe is so enormous. If purposelessness is the answer, why is the universe so fucking huge, setting up all kinds of scenarios that imply purpose?
A: To make the point.
Q: What point?
A: The more ridiculously bigger the universe, the more ridiculous the ill-conceived notion of some purpose.
Q: Uh-huh…
A: You wrote that yourself once. Remember? Guess you don't--not present enough.
Q: Should I continue all this study in my areas of interest?
A: If you like--its' how you play now.
Q: Can I make my writing come more easily?
A: Do your PRESENCE exercises!
Q: And this entheogen?
A: Pretty good, huh? And the next day, too. But then a drop-off after that.
Q: So I don't need it?
A: Not really. Not your marga. Blaze your own trail, Crawdaddy.
Q: So if I stick with presence, no fear?
A: Yes, fear sometimes, but great strides with fear. And remember, Silly, presence is transcendent of fear.
Q: Wait a minute--you just said to be purposeless, but "great strides" implies striving and purpose.
A: -------------------------------
Q: I see. If I'm in fear, overcoming fear will feel like progress, courage, all that. The opposites again. Thank you.
A: Thank me? THANK YOURSELF! Tat Tvam Asi, hee hee!
Q: What else?
A: Change your persona. It's time.
Q: Who are you?
A: Nothing but your need for answers in words --------------------------
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